i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
