just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
