So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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