Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
