Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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