Four minutes until I can fart!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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