Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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