someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
