i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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