I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
