well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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