I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
