She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
