i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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