I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
