haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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