Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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