all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
