I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
