just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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