so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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