apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
