bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
