i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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