I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
