careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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