You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
