almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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