If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
