Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
