I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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