I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
