Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
