I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
