i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
