Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
