i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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