considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
