if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
