went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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