this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
