Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
