I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
