u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
