Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
