Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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