did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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