New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
