Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
