If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
