why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
