The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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