Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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