You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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