Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
