Kareoke will never be a sober sport
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
