just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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