Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
