R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
