Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
