So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
