It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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