i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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