i need an iv and a liver transplant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
